The Invisible Monster

Pain. 
      What is it really? Pain can be subjective, as everyone has a different pain level. Pain can be emotional, physical, and even spiritual. You can feel someone else's pain. You can cause someone pain. You can even imagine pain. 

When I googled pain today, this is what it said:

Pain: noun
  1. 1.
    physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury.

  3. synonyms:suffering, agony, torture, torment, discomfort
  4. I am fairly confident we have all experienced pain on some level in our lives.  I am also willing to bet you have tried to compare your pain to another human's pain to determine who should gain the higher pain award. (subconsciously of course)

The kind of pain I want to talk about can't be seen on a test. The pain I am talking about is a silent monster, creeping into you slowly and then even slower still, ripping the life from you piece by piece. It takes years for it to be diagnosed, and even when a doctor confirms it, there is no real answer. 

For years, I have had people tell me, I look tired, its in your head, do some yoga, eat organic, see a chiropractor, drink more water, you don't look sick, and my personal fave, just pray about it. With prayer, its said that you can call out the demons by name and tell them to go. 

My monster's name is Fibromyalgia. 

She is cruel, and unrelenting. No matter what I throw at her, she chews it up and smiles for more. More of my energy, more of my body, more doctors, more ailments, more of my mind and spirit. In one word, I am EXHAUSTED.

Even now, as i spew all this out, my neck pain is making me nauseous. My ears are aching with every keystroke I hear. My feet are freezing and hot at the same time. My body is fighting itself my loves, and I can't keep it to myself anymore. 

So here is what this is all about. 

Fibro has stolen my life from me. I can no longer function in the capacity that I did ten years ago as a 25 yo woman. I didn't know it then, but I was already sick. This blog is a way to not only vent, so my head doesn't explode, but to also bring awareness to my disease and share my journey in faith, wife-hood, mom-hood, and professionalism as I go through life. 

This blog will not always be positive, but it will not always be me complaining either. Will you take this journey with me? It may just be one reader. But, that is one more person who knows what I am going through. I do not have any clue of what this is going to look like. I'll tell ya this, though, it won't be boring. :)

In closing, take a look at the synonyms for pain. We literally could switch out the word pain with Fibromyalgia. So, what is Pain? It is literally a feeling of hurt. It is real. I am here to talk about that reality. If you have something causing you pain, talk about it or write it down. I can't promise it will make it go away, but it gets all the junk out of your head. Thank you for reading about my junk. :) More to come. 




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