Faith vs Pharmacy

Hello again!

If you took the time to read my first blog, GOD BLESS YOU. I know it was a bit of an aimless rant. I wanted to only introduce you to me and the surface of my condition. 

Today, the first thing I want to write about is my day. Not just today, but what my routine looks like versus the average working person. 

TO be fair, I should really start with bedtime. Trevor (my spouse), normally won't get home until about 2 am. He works for Amazon in Fort Worth. We live about 45 minutes from his warehouse, on a good day. So, I typically end up staying awake until he comes home. I shouldn't but I do anyway. Before that happens though, I have to remember to take my pills. 

Now, I am friends with some pretty crunchy people. They are hard core, alternative medicine, and all natural healing. With prayer being at the center. I admire them for that courage, and do not mean to sound like I am devaluing their path at all. They eat organic, wear amber necklaces, keep essential oils for everything, and strive to be self sufficient. I hope some day to be able to gain that much courage. 

I say all that to state, I have to take pills at night.  When you have a chronic condition, medication usually becomes a part of your life to manage your symptoms so you can function. 

My nightcap. 

I have singulair for my lungs, they hate the Texas air and get inflamed here.

I have cymbalta for my Fibro pain, it basically helps block some of the nerves from flaring. 

I have an allergy pill I take everyday,

And most recently I added a pill to stop me from peeing myself. 

SO, as long as i have taken that medication the night before, my day can start.

I typically wake up in a lot of pain. My back hurts from not peeing all night. My body aches from not getting enough sleep. 

Once I get past all of the pain, I get up, take out the pup and continue to trudge through my day. 

In a typical day I can get dishes done, dinner cooked, and help Natalie with school stuff, or play a game with her. That is, if I didn't have to work that day. 

On flare days. I get NOTHING done. Its a struggle bus just to drive to Natalie to get her picked up. I usually end up in bed napping and end up waking up right before Nat has to go to bed. 

That is the part that hurts people. MY BODY is not allowing me to be 1000% with my kids. 

It becomes a very sad thing for me. I get very upset with myself and feel like a failure. 

On a GOOD day, I usually end up overdoing it, and pay for it the next day. But without my meds, I could not even function in the minimal way I do.

SO, all of this is to say this, I don't want to take medication. At the moment it's how I am holding myself together. HOWEVER, its not the only thing I do. 

I have Faith! I am able to get these meds because I am blessed with insurance that pays for it.  I have a husband who prays for me. I have a church family that covers me in healing prayer constantly. 

When I was struggling with depression, I was told that there is no such thing as a depressed Christian. So in essence, I was doing something wrong in my walk that invalidated my faith.

I had so little faith, that I was leaning on drugs(not the illegal kind) to do what faith was supposed to do. GIVE ME A BREAK.  

Firstly, if you are depressed, but you love Jesus, IT IS OK!! You are no less of a christian because your brain's chemicals are whacked. I am sure that once you truly learn to lean on God for all your anxieties, and sadness, and fear that depression becomes less of a problem. I get that. But some of us need more help. 

Jesus is the answer to everything in my life. But it did not happen overnight. I know that one day I will be healed completely. God doesn't want to see us suffer NEEDLESSLY.  Sometimes we go through stuff that makes us stronger, gives us tools to serve others in the future. When we are healed by faith, it gives God glory. 

If you aren't a christian, and you are still reading. A huge round of applause for you. Look, modern medicine is making my life livable right now. But I would be lost without a higher power to look forward to at the end of all this pain. 

So, I will close with this; you don't have to choose between Jesus and western medicine.

If you have a project to do, isn't it better to have more than one tool? The more soldiers I have fighting on my side, the better chance I have of getting better.

Thank you for reading yet another aimless rant. I promise these will get better structured. :)

... MAYBE.